Man is a social animal, they say. But some of us animals are, in reality, not so social. We don’t like attending parties where one has to pretend to be in high spirits to fit in, or is expected to talk about their (nonexistent) love life or (stagnant) career, or compliment the host over gag-inducing food. We don’t like throwing parties for the same reasons. In fact, most of our efforts are dedicated to thinking of ways to avoid people – college friends, co-workers, Relatives!
But once our precious time in isolation is up, we have to head to one of the most public places possible – the saloon.
When socialising is not an option while waiting your turn at the barber’s chair, observing others (secretly, of course) becomes the only option, and these are the specimens you are most likely to notice:
1. THE DUDE
(Pauly is their idol)
He is the one who has huge biceps, and who wears a tee, which seems to be borrowed from his 10 year old nephew. He keeps his kala chashma on during the haircut, and is convinced a spiked look will compliment his toned gym body, which one can assume will continue to struggle for freedom in his nephew’s tee, which he will again wear.
2. THE RELUCTANT
(stock photos never disappoint)
Do one thing. Then undo that. Redo it. He is the most annoying customer the barber encounters. At first, he wants a short summer look, then he thinks of his girlfriend who told him last night in the pub that she likes his hair long and thick (no puns intended). Then he thinks of his mother, who saw him in his messy avatar that morning when he woke up with a hangover, and told him to get an army cut.
3. THE BO(A)LD
This uncle has been bald since 94. Yet he frequents the saloon – what on earth makes him think that he needs a haircut?? He even instructs the barber not to mess with his hairstyle! His wake up calls rings when a 5 year old in the adjoining chair asks his mother, ‘’Mummy uncle ke to baal hi nahi hai, phir kyu baal katane aaye hai?’’
4. THE DIVA
(An attitude best portrayed by drag queen, RuPaul. I wonder if he will pay me for this publicity)
She does not to go to a saloon. She goes to a SALON. She does not go to a beauty parlour. She goes to a STYLIST. She brings along a group of girls with her – one to answer her iPhone, another to hold her branded purse, and another who will agree to everything she says. She will teach the stylist how to go about doing her job. And she follows the Jenners on Instagram.
5. THE KID
Either he will be accompanied by his father or his mother or in their absence, his elder brother, who leaves him there for two hours and vanishes with his friends. He will shout till he gets his candy. He cries when the barber starts, to which the Dad intervenes with, “Zara sa kharoch bhi aaya na Bunty ko, toh tu jaanta nai main kaun hun’’.
6. THE DELUSIONAL
He comes for a shampoo and blow dry for his long tresses because he thinks he looks like this:
..whereas he actually looks like this: